Prostitutes and the Book of Enoch

Have you ever gone on a bender with your buddies and completely forget what happened the night before?  Over a bloodymary and runny eggs you begin to remember a few things.  There was an ugly girl that you think may have actually been a dude in drag.  Did he/she decide to tag along with us at some point during our bar-hopping?  Naturally, since we are so funny and charismatic, every bar we go through, we pick up a few stragglers and hangers-on.  Then you get the strange feeling that this is a false sense of self-esteem and perhaps someone in the group ordered a transexual prostitute.  A few more memories come back to you.  Your butthole feels a little weird.  It’s seems stretched, like things will simply fall out of it if you stood up.  You decide to expunge your recollections.  Did anyone have condoms on them, or did they raw-dog the prostitute?  You try to delete your memories as fast as they’re  flooding in.  Holy shit, I remember seeing cheap implants providing shade to a pecker under the restroom’s florescent lights and the owner of this unnatural body counting money.  I remember weeping on the bathroom floor.  You resolve to completely ignore the nagging flashbacks.  A few weeks later though, and you’re jolted upright in your cubicle at work with a searing pain in your dick.  Sweating, you run to the bathroom.  Your piss comes out thick, like green Play-Dough from a vomiting snake.

Believe it or not, this incomplete editing of past work, only for bad reminders to show up later is very much like the composition, compilation, and editing of the Hebrew bible, Christian New Testament, and Islam’s Qu’ran.  If you’re a believer in these ridiculous faiths, chances are you’ve already left during our Disney-esque parable above.  If you’re an unbeliever, you can stop masturbating to dreams of transexual sluts now.  For those who stuck around, let me explain…

The Book of Enoch in Leviticus

In among these absurd rituals is a nugget of “deleted” biblical bullshit.  There once was a Book of Enoch (there still is, you can read translations for yourself).  Jews and Christians both believed it to be a canonical and holy work for many centuries.  This book and sheaves of other hand-written copies of various other works was part of their bibles.  Then, centuries later, the Jews and Christians realized the Book of Enoch was bullshit.  It was to weird for the newest interpretations of their ever-evolving religions.  They dumped poor Enoch as “apocryphal.”  They tried to forget Enoch’s memory.  They attempted to edit Enoch’s texts out from their latest hand-copied versions of Gospels and Epistles.  Unfortunately, those rare believers who are actual sc

holars, are rudely reminded today of the heretical Book of Enoch’s influence on Judaism and Christianity.

Leviticus contains the Book of Enoch‘s demonology.  As with the sacrifices mentioned in Leviticus, they are meant to appease an angry god for some sin one committed.  What happened though, if everyone stopped sinning and/or diligently sacrificed everytime they slipped up?  How could they explain the diseases still running through a village?  Why was god still pissed and withholding rain from their crops?  Instead of developing scientific methods, asking epidemiologists, or inquiring with meteorologists, they continued to resort to superstition.

If bad things kept happening, there must be some secret, or even communal sin to blame.  Maybe god’s wrath wasn’t to blame for these horrible events.  Perhaps a different, evil, invisible dickhead is to blame, who is not god.  At which point the myths in the Book of Enoch step in.  Azazel is a goat-like demon-lord who the Book of Enoch claims was thrown down to earth for his part in Genesis’ flood myth.  He taught humans how to mine gold and silver, make weapons, and he helped angels fuck hot earth women to create giants, like Shrek except meaner (called “Nephilim”).  The Book of Enoch states:

And further the Lord said to Raphael [an angel]: “Bind Azazel by his hands and his feet and throw him into the darkness. And split open the desert, which is in Dudael, and throw him there.  And throw on him jagged and sharp stones and cover him with darkness. And let him stay there forever. And cover his face so that he may not see the light. And so that, on the Great Day of Judgment, he may be hurled into the fire (Enoch 4:4-6).

This character is who is blamed for the shit they couldn’t blame on god.  It is Azazel who ancient Jews tried to placate in Leviticus 16′s “scapegoat” ritual to avoid disease and bad weather.  According to the Book of Enoch, Azazel “and his host” of goat-like demons (known as se’irim) are thrown in the “split open” valleys in the desert with “jagged” crags and “sharp stones.”  They will also be bound “for seventy generations, under the hills of the earth, until the day of their judgment” (Enoch 4:12).  Now you know why the devil is depicted with hairy goat legs.

The Heretical Book of Enoch in the Azazel Ritual and Old Testament

Isaiah 13:21, 34:14 mention these “hairy he-goats” (half man, half goat) se’irim goat-demons live in rugged desert crags (Now you know where the insult “your mother is a hairy he-goat” comes from).  2 Chronicles 11:15 mentions idols setup for se’irim or goat-demons.  Today Israelis take Christians on Jeep tours to Mount Azazel (Jabel Muntar) where they can see its rocky, jagged cliffs where primitive Bronze Age Semitic peoples believed hairy man-goat-shaped demons lived.

Azazel itself has differing etymologies.  Rabbis interpret Azazel as “rugged” (azaz) “god or deity.”  Tyndale fucked up in his translation, which he thought was a goat that was “sent away, removed, or escaped” (azel), and thus the mistranslation “scapegoat.”  Most bible translations continue to use Tyndale’s mistranslated “scapegoat,” though many use the proper name “Azazel” and others include a footnote indicating “scapegoat = Azazel.”

Anyway, Leviticus 16 describes the witch-doctor, voodoo ritual of scapegoating.  One goat is sacrificed to god (Yahweh or Jehovah).  Another goat has everyone in the village’s communal sins strapped to it.  The poor goat is then flung off of the rugged desert cliffs, where Azazel and his goat-like demons were believed to have lived, to be sacrificed to the lord of demons.  Sacrifice to demons is taught in Leviticus.  In any case, if god is pissed he is sated by a sacrificed goat; if Azazel is pissed he is sated by the goat tossed to his doorstep at the bottom of the evil, rugged cliffs.  Diseases should now abate, rain should now fall, and crops should now grow… this primitive cause-and-effect shit is a poor substitute for science – and these Bronze Age superstitions have been inherited as “historical fact” by believers, even today in the 21^st century.

The Heretical Book of Enoch Invents Michael and Gabriel Characters

 The Book of Enoch may have also influenced the development of two major characters in the New Testament.  It started with the authors of the Hebrew book of Daniel who, believing the Book of Enoch, used it for their own invented eschatologies.  The only place in the Hebrew bible where you will hear the names “Gabriel” and “Michael” is in the book of Daniel.  Gabriel is only mentioned twice in the Hebrew bible, in Daniel (Daniel 8:16 and 9:21).  Like Gabriel, Michael is described as an angel with some rank or authority (Daniel 10:13, 21 and 12:1).  Where did the authors of Daniel hear about these angels Gabriel and Michael?  The early portions of the Book of Enoch which mention these very same angels and their names dates to the 3^rd century BCE.  Daniel was likely a collection of legends compiled in the 2^nd century BCE.  Therefore Enoch predates Daniel by a hundred or so years.  We can assume the book of Daniel borrowed from Enoch – or at the very least they borrowed from the same myths floating around at the time.

The Book of Enoch tells of an angel Gabriel who is to massacre the demon-human hybrid giants: “And the Lord said to Gabriel: “Proceed against the bastards, and the reprobates, and against the sons of the fornicators. And destroy the sons of the fornicators, and the sons of the Watchers [demons], from amongst men.” (Enoch 4:9).  We already read that the angel Raphael was to throw Azazel and his homies into some cosmic prison (4:4).  We also read that Michael was to throw some demon named Semyaza and his buddies into a cosmic jail, then into a “fiery abyss of torment.”:

And the Lord said to Michael: “Go, inform Semyaza [the leader of all fallen angels according to Enoch 3:3], and the others with him, who have associated with the women to corrupt themselves with them in all their uncleanness. When all their sons kill each other, and when they see the destruction of their loved ones, bind them for seventy generations, under the hills of the earth, until the day of their judgment and of their consummation, until the judgment, which is for all eternity, is accomplished.  And in those days, they will lead them to the Abyss of Fire; in torment, and in prison they will be shut up for all eternity.” (Enoch 4:11-13).

The Heretical Book of Enoch in the New Testament

The Book of Enoch, a heretical and apocryphal book had influenced Leviticus rituals, Isaiah’s demonologies, and Chronicles “histories,” and Daniel’s eschatologies.  Had it influenced Christian bible authors?  Most definitely.  The character of

Michael figure into the books of Jude (Jude 1:9) and of Revelation (Rev. 12), and the character of Gabriel factors heavily into the myths about Jesus magical virgin birth.  These heretical legends that created Gabriel, known as Jibreel in Arabic, are important in the development of a cult (a cult is defined as having a charismatic leader) around Muhammad, who supposedly received the Qu’ran from Jibreel (Gabriel).  Islam/Muhammad also borrowed the creation myth from the heretical book The Questions of Bartholomew (it may also be the book mentioned as the Gospel of Bartholomew) where Satan is said to be made of smokeless fire and was cast down by Michael for refusing to bow to Adam (Bartholomew 4:53-55).  The list of items from “heretical” books that influenced, and became official quotes or indirect sources of theology, is too long to list.  Zoroastrianism and heretical books have shaped all three Abrahamic Faiths.  This is another subject entirely.  Back to our subject at hand.

Other New Testament authors believed the heretical Book of Enoch, and it influenced their beliefs and teachings.  Most Jews around the time before and after Jesus supposedly lived, water skied without skiis, and came back from the grave as Zombie-Christ only spoke Greek.  Most only read the Greek Septuagint, which was translated in the hellenized world’s academic center, Alexandria Egypt.  Diaspora Jews were literally steeped in Greek language, culture, philosophy, and religion.  So when the authors of the New Testament read the Hebrew bible they got the Greek translation (or mistranslation – see Isaiah’s “young maiden” birth compared to Matthew’s “virgin birth” confusion).  The bullshit behind the Greek influence on the development of Christianity can fill several articles, so we’ll ignore that for now.

I’ll Bury my Peter in Your Deep, Dark Pit of Tartarus

The rampant Greek translation snafus, as well as Greek religious influence came into play regarding the Book of Enoch and a theological place: Tartarus.  Tartarus was a place in Greek mythology where the Olympian gods would imprison beings they considered dangerous.  After casting out the Titans, the gods threw them in Tartarus – sounds a lot like the Noah/Enoch myths.  This concept entered into the Book of Enoch, which then influenced the authors of Peter’s epistles and the book of Revelation.

Again, from the Book of Enoch:

And further the Lord said to Raphael: “Bind Azazel by his hands and his feet and throw him into the darkness.  And split open the desert, which is in Dudael, and throw him there (Enoch 4:4).  And throw on him jagged and sharp stones and cover him with darkness. And let him stay there forever. And cover his face so that he may not see the light (Enoch 4:5).  And so that, on the Great Day of Judgment, he may be hurled into the fire (Enoch 4:6).  Bind them for seventy generations, under the hills of the earth, until the day of their judgment and of their consummation, until the judgment (Enoch 4:12).

Now the book of Genesis does not mention where the fallen angels go.  Where then did the author of 1 Peter “know” where these fallen angels went?  1 Peter’s authors wrote that after Jesus came back as the undead, he “went and made proclamation to the imprisoned spirits, to those who were disobedient long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built” (1 Peter 3:19, 20).  This bullshit influenced the con-man founder of Mormonism, Joseph Smith, to write a similar fable where Jesus is resurrected from Jerusalem to America to preach, not to imprisoned demons, rather to Native Americans (see the book of 3 Nephi in the Book of Mormon).

The author of 2 Peter 2

:4 uses the word Tartarus for this “jail” for fallen angels (apparently Noah’s angels hang out with Greek Titans).  Disingenuous bible translators purposely mistranslate the word “Tartarus” as “hell” (though some versions include a footnote indicating Tartarus as the proper word).  Hades is hell.  People go there after they die according to the Greek religion.  Tartarus is NOT hell.  Tartarus is where the gods send supernatural beings (such as Titans or angels).  The Greek religion’s myths of Tartarus infected the Judeo-Christian myths in the Book of Enoch, which in turn infected the Christian myths in 1 and 2 Peter, which in turn influenced the Mormon myths.  It’s like that movie the Human Centipede, one guy eats some bullshit, which turns into real shit that goes directly into the next guy’s mouth, then out his ass into another guy’s mouth, and so on.

Hey Jude

 The book of Jude plagiarizes, copies word-for-word, from the “heretical” Book of Enoch.  Given the slight difference in translations, you can see for yourself that the author of Jude’s words are identical to the Book of Enoch‘s.

The heretical Book of Enoch:

The canonical book of Jude:

Jude’s author believed the Book of Enoch and used it to write his theology, which became part of the official Christian canon and teachings.

One last point, as we have been trying to go in the order of bible books.  The New Testament book of Revelation also follows the beliefs of the heretical Book of Enoch.  As mentioned, it uses the character of Michael.  It also recounts the Book of Enoch’s myth where Michael throws out Satan and the demons.  If you don’t believe us, compare Revelation chapter 12 with the quote already posted above from the Book of Enoch (Enoch 4:11-13).

Instead of thinking for themselves and realizing religion is just a man-made collection of bullshit world myths, Christians do what they do best – turn off critical thinking and make up stupid excuses.  Many of these numbskulls claim that The Book of Enoch “actually copied from the book of Revelation.”  Apparently they mistook BCE for CE.  The Book of Enoch is actually a collection of books.  They date from the 3^rd to 1^st centuries BCE.  Revelation is an acid trip on paper shat out sometime around the first century CE, at least 100 to 400 years after the Book of Enoch had been written.  I am unaware of their apologetic bullshit regarding Jude’s or the Peters’ belief in the Book of Enoch, but I’m sure they’ve strained their broken primate neocortexes trying to account for Enoch’s heretical presence in these canonical books.  They can try to forget scientific facts.  They can attempt to ignore ugly theological contradictions.  They can even try to forget about all of the “pagan” myths and “heretical” books that formed the basis of some of their most central beliefs – but like a case of gonorrhea, it’ll come back to remind you of that fucked up dark night in a mens room toilet stall.